The Bayou

So I have been sitting in the bar at The Bayou for a few hours now, and I got to thinking about this place. I have worked here for a year now and I have a love hate relationship with this restaurant/bar. I am a grill cook/bouncer. My job is wonderful, I love the work I do. Friday nights are killer, its busy, fun, and crazy at times. I love being busy fridays, its where I shine. But the drama has been out of hand at late. Who am I kidding, its aways been out of hand lol. Between dating someone at work, coworkers getting knocked up by other coworkers, my perverted boss who has spent more time in his office getting random girls naked, and all the waitress cat fighting, its driving me nuts! No wonder its stressful. My job is not hard, im good at it. i challenge u to get a more perfect steak anywhere in southwest Missouri! But when I dont want to go to work cause Im tired of ppl calling in and getting away with it, or because I really dont want to be involved in the next piece of drama. (which happens more than not cause Im ggod at fixing this stuff) For the most part I have the best boss I could ask for, although he drives me crazy with his inconsistant rules and attitude. This place is the most epic disfunctional family I have ever been a part of. But we, in fact, are a family. We fight like siblings and disobey like kids. For the most part I love the ppl I work with, I just hate them all lol. Ofcoarse there are some exceptions lol.

JoeLove out!

Music for the way you feel!

It never fails that no matter what mood im in there is music that discribes my attitude. There is nothing better than when im in any mood and I hear a song that discribes exactly how I feel! If in in a bad mood, theres a sond that knows exactly what im going thru. A good mood, theres one for that too! I truely feel like I have a soundtrack in my life sometimes, and weither im in a good, bad, sad, or happy mood someone somewhere has been there too. Its refreshing to know that im not alone in my darkest times. Someones been there and has put thier feelings down in music, my feelings down in music! Pay attention to the music u listen too, really listen to the words. Music is more than a good hook or a great beat. The words mean alot. The first thing I notice about a woman is her eyes, and the first thing I notice bout music is the words. They can be powerful, inspiring, and even brutal sometimes. Whats the soundtrack to your life?

JoeLove out!

My Bucket List

So I have decided to make good use of my time, since i cant sleep, and make a bucket list for myself. So, here we go!

1. Go to Australia
2. Own an original Hummer
3. Sleep in the snow
4. Visit New York
5. Spend a week completely alone. No seeing or speaking to anyone.
6. Blow a grand in Vegas
7. Take my boys to Disney world
8. Write and sell either a book or a screenplay
9. Meet Ken Griffey Jr.
10. Find the love of my life...again
11. Survive a zombie apocalypse
12. Own a boxer named Tyson
13. Give ten grand to the homeless, in cash and in person
14. Be on the radio with my own morning show
15. Just take off for a week and not tell anyone I'm leaving
16. Have a reunion with all my old friends at LBT
17. Get to 245 again
18. Vote in an election
19. Change someones life for the better
20. Become an expert at something useful

So there it is. I wont do half of these but I'm sure gonna try!

JoeLove out!

Still Wide Awake!

What the hell? No really, what the hell is going on with me? I cant freakin fall asleep. Im callin zombie bullshit!


JoeLove out!

Who Dat?

So this blows. The Saints turned out to be the real deal. Congrats New Orleans, you have a winner. Un fortunatly that makes me
a loser, and now I have to wash the bosses truck. O well, the price you pay to be a loyal fan i guess.


JoeLove out!

Stick to Mardi Gras!!!

Superbowl XLIV is today. I could care less! If Seattle isnt in it why bother. Although my boss is a huge Saints fan so naturally Im going for the Colts, even though I hate Manning. Right now im sitting at work and the Colts are up ten to three. The bar is packed and everyone is having a great time... except the SAINTS. LOL!!! The SAINTS AINT!!!


JoeLove out!

Wide Awake!!!

I dont know what my deal is but for the last 3 days I havent got more than an hour of sleep a night, and it blows! Some sort of insomnia has taken over my life. I dont know what is causing it but I just want it to go away. How can I be expected to work on no sleep, let alone even function normally. To make matters worse, my contacts crapped out on me and im blind till I can get into the eye doc on tuesday. Im goin nuts! Lol. All I want to do is sleep but I cant. This Effing blows!

JoeLove out!

Alone

I am home alone by myself for 3 days while my room mate, Damien, is gone. But being physicly alone is nothing compared to the emotional alone I feel right now. Everything I have know has been turned upside down and sideways, in ALOT of different ways! I am on the verge of an awakening of myself, im finding things out about me I never knew at 29! Im on the cusp of 30 and im just now finding out who I rally am as a person and the effects of my actions where others are conserned. Right now I have one friend, Damien, and it hurts me that all the people I thought were my friends turned out to be backstabbing and two faced, but I guess most people are. I am going to shelter myself emotionaly, mentally, in manners of the heart, and work wise. I can trust only myself, which is ironic since im the one who hurts me the most. I am truely alone in southwest missouri. I have no family to count on, friends to back me up, or anyone that loves me, JoeLove. JoeLove is LoveLess. But I will rebound and bounce back this time. Im going to drasticlly change my life over the next six months. New car, new job, new town, a new life. No more dead end jobs, no more reliance on others to get done what needs to get done. No more letting people in so easily, minimal heartbreak that way. Or I could just move to Vegas and marry a stripper!


JoeLove out!

Bipolar???

So I have been doing some reaserch and I think I may have found my problem! If you know me you know I am about the the most kind, nice, outgoing people person there is. But recently I have felt myself slipping away, even more than usual. I am easily distracted, irritable, even hatefull at times. I go into this dark place no person should ever go. One day im on top of the world and in a great mood, then something will happen and it does a complete 180.

Today I lost my job because of it. My heads not right and I couldnt figure it out, Im still confused about alot. Next week I hope to make an appointment with a doctor and start to see a theripist. Why this is happening to me now I dont know. all I know is i feel like there are two of me. One that everyone loves to be around and be friends with and another that hates the world and everything in it. Its a funk that no matter how I try, or what I do I cant pull out of and it scares me.

So I got online today to look up my symptoms. I found that Bipolar disorder is the closest thing to what I have, at least that I can find, based on the symptoms. Aggressive behavior, poor choices, ideas rushing in my mind one after another, not being able to concentrate, extreme irritability, and an over abundance of energy at times are all symptoms of manic episodes caused by bipolar disorder. and those are the high side.
The low side consist of feeling intense sadness, too much or too little sleep and eating, feeling negitive or pessimisstic, feeling worthles hopeless and helpless, feeling angry, withdrawing from people and pushing them away, crying frequently, and unable to think clearly. Bipolar is commonly associated with dilusions and hallucinations. Which explains why I feel alot of the time things are done purposely to hurt me. and why that one day at work I couldnt figure out where I was and who was around me even though I had worked there almost a year with the same people.

I dont know whats going on with my head. all I know is im tired, I need help, and I cant live like this. There I poured my heart out for one maybe 2 people. All I know is that if I do have a bipolar dissorder, I dont want it and god or whoever the fuck is out there can have it fucking back!!!


JoeLove out!